November 08, 2026

Hostile Pies


Hostile Pies
Za Gorbacheva! The Russian Life files.

On November 3, pro-Kremlin activist Vitaly Borodin wrote on Telegram calling for the banning of pizza.

Yes, really.

Borodin, who heads the nationalist Federal Security and Anti-Corruption Foundation, framed his argument in the context of November 4's Day of National Unity, on which, apparently, many Russians plan to bake traditional Russian savory pies. In contrast to these lovingly homemade, creations, Borodin blasted "Italian flatbreads topped with ketchup" as the unrefined, industrial slop habitually eaten by young people. Borodin's proposed pizza ban would start in schools and universities before, apparently, expanding to removing foreign pizza-related words ("pizzeria," for instance) from the Russian lexicon.

Borodin's reasoning is that pizza, like other imports, "imposes alien, destructive values ​​upon our youth"; pizza is "soft power in a cardboard box." He continues: "First it’s pizza, then it’s Halloween, and before you know it, a child can’t name a single Russian dish." Thus, to retain Russia's national integrity, and carry on its traditional values, pizza must be stamped out.

After all, as mentioned in the post, Italy is among the nations supporting Ukraine in its defense against Russia's full-scale invasion.

One can only imagine what Gorbachev's reaction would be.

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