Nov/Dec 2018 Current Moscow Time: 16:30:50
19 November 2018


  The world’s biggest country, in a magazine. Since 1956.


Thursday, August 09, 2018

Crime Doesn't Pay

by Irina Bukharin
A Pension-t for Trouble

1. A pension fund office in Kaluga was bombed early Friday morning. The bombing followed the government’s unpopular decision to raise the pension age for both men and women, an act that has sparked protests across the country. Preliminary reports suggest that the blast was caused by standard ammunition, not a homemade explosive device. In true Russian spirit, the Kaluga pension fund office was still open for business on Friday.

2. A cat in the clink! One intrepid feline was found attempting to carry drugs (hashish and amphetamines) into a prison in the Tula region. To be fair to our maligned cat, police believe that two recent inmates of the prison used the cat to smuggle the drugs into the prison, and that it was not actually the cat’s idea. The theory is that the inmates put the drugs into a collar on the cat, which had also formerly lived at the prison. The cat was then supposed to return home, delivering the drugs to the prisoners. We hope that the cat will get a “get out of jail free” card, but it seems the culprits may not: they face up to 10 years in prison for their less than purrrfect crime.

3. One man in St. Petersburg has gone off the rails. Or rather, the rails have gone off thanks to him. Police detained a man who reportedly stole 275 metric tons of train track rails over the past month. A local news website estimated that this much track is worth 5 million rubles ($79,000). So which will come first, this man’s life turning into a train wreck or an actual train wreck? Only time will tell.

In Odder News:

 

 
Quote of the Day:

“The woebegone mechanic dismantled more than 275 metric tons of metal products with a wrench and a crowbar”

— St. Petersburg transport police

Want more where this comes from? Give your inbox the gift of TWERF, our Thursday newsletter on the quirkiest, obscurest, and Russianest of Russian happenings of the week.

The Best of 2017
The Best of 2017

For our final TWERF of 2017, we look back and re-share some of our favorite stories from 2017. They may not be the most note-worthy or news-worthy stories, but we felt they were the most fun.

A little vodka, a little puppies, a little Despacito
A little vodka, a little puppies, a little Despacito

Let's go to Nizhny Novgorod to hear a Russian rendition of the song of the year. And then, lets meet some puppies and a vodka thief.

Aliens, help Russia!
Aliens, help Russia!

Darkness descends on Moscow, a cry for help ascends to the sky, and a foreign agent stays exactly where it is. Also huskies and ancient teeth.

Moon Colonies and Molotov Modernism
Moon Colonies and Molotov Modernism

Join Earth's first non-Earthbound nation, get an art lesson with a side of Molotov cocktail, and learn about lusty leopards. 

Fights, Oversight, and Voting Rights
Fights, Oversight, and Voting Rights

Russians practice their rights: heated debate, voting in North Korea, and not getting any more survey calls. 

Groundhog Day, Russia Edition
Groundhog Day, Russia Edition

Punxsutawney Phil ordered six more weeks of winter for the States, but the weather is getting much weirder in Russia: record-breaking snow and locusts, to start with. 

Stories of Sorrow and Uplift
Stories of Sorrow and Uplift

A Russian national tragedy is softened by stories of a skating grandmother and small children in the snow.

A Holiday for Every Occasion
A Holiday for Every Occasion

Traditional celebrations like Maslenitsa are accompanied by new ones, like Chinese New Year. The party never stops!