Seal Friends, Soviet Sunbathing, and Secrets of Moscow

In this week's Odder News: freshwater seals, tourists do not want to go back to Crimea but have no choice, and the mysteries of Moscow parks are revealed.

• If you thought that lakes do not have seals, you would be wrong. Aside from the Lake Baikal seal, Lake Ladoga kind of near St. Petersburg has its own seals too. (Amerian childhood would have been so much more interesting if the Great Lakes had seals too.) The St. Petersburg Seal Friends' Fund recently rehabilitated five near-death seals. The best part is, one of them is named Larion Larionovich Larionov. He was found near the village of Larionovo by a woman with the last name of Larionova.
• If you are seeking unpleasant adventures – you must be in Crimea! A Komsomol'skaya Pravda report complains that, for a lot of money, tourists can get a subpar resort experience in Crimea. Often, shabby accommodations were built during Soviet times. You have to drive to the nearest ATM or to buy yourself coffee or wine. On an excursion, the door of the old yellow "Bogdan" bus fell open, which the driver said happens all the time. This despite a report that the buses would be phased out by the end of 2018. After swimming in a hotel pool, the KP writer's child got red eyes, to which staff responded, "Do you think you're the first person to complain about this? Come at the beginning of the season then!" In other words, Crimea is too Soviet a destination for most Russians – who have been to resorts in Turkey and Egypt – to want to vacation there. They are not looking to travel to the past, but because of the pandemic, they keep coming anyway.
• Move over, Miss America; the Mrs. Russia pageant features wives and mothers of any age. The youngest contestant was 28 and the oldest 68 (also a grandmother). The purpose of the contest is to show that "a woman is beautiful at any age and status." Still, we doubt there was a swimsuit competition in this pageant sponsored by the Planet of Women Foundation for the Support of Family, Motherhood, and Childhood.
• Some creepy secrets in Moscow parks have just been publicized. Elk Island (Losiny ostrov) has an abandoned missile arsenal and a Barefoot Trail for your health, featuring sea pebbles and horse dung to walk on. We are amazed that enough Russians will walk barefoot anywhere. The famous Sokolniki Park allegedly has an ancient Scythian golden wheel that charges all visitors with energy. In Brateevskaya Floodplain Park, ritual mounds have been replaced by baseball mounds (Yes, there is an actual baseball field in Moscow; that is a real wonder). Kolomenskoe Park has a paranormal zone where, in pre-Petrine times, people who lived there never got old. We guess that means they are still there with some great stories to tell?