December 01, 2021

New Moo


New Moo
Thanks, Putin.  Photo by Wolfgang Hasselmann via Unsplash

When thirteen-year-old Alexei called Putin's annual televised direct phone line, he didn't think much of it. It was only when someone answered the call that the boy, who lives in Yakutia, was really surprised at all. Having planned out his actions very little, the boy asked for the first thing that came to his mind; a few days prior, his family's best milk-producing cow had passed and they could really use another cow to take her place.

While his actual call was never televised (like many of the other calls from the program), Alexei's request had been pushed forward to the Ministry of Agriculture, who agreed to honor the boy's request, albeit in a very roundabout sort of way. Months later in October, the boy received a letter from regional authorities advising him to partake in an agricultural economic support program that would allow him to earn a grant and buy himself a brand new cow.

The problem with this solution is that in order to participate in such a program, one must be at least of legal age and already own and operate their own business, none of which are possible for a thirteen-year-old child.

When word got out about how this arrangement, social media users were rightfully mad at how this kid was being screwed over. Finally, at long last (and perhaps not entirely out of the goodness of their hearts but in a case of some bad PR management), the Yakutia Ministry of Agriculture has publicly announced that it will be buying the boy his very own cow. A dairy happy ending after all.

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