The Road to Nowhere

 

Green, Eggs, and Fans

1. Russians are begging an environmental big fish, Leonardo DiCaprio, to save a lake. The actor has an entire foundation dedicated to fighting climate change, so Russians thought he might be able to divert attention for a moment to another environmental issue: Lake Baikal, which is under threat. In case that’s not enough justification, he has a Russian babushka. And blood is thicker than water, so… DiCaprio should pay attention to the world’s largest, deepest, and oldest body of fresh water. 

He hasn’t yet, but he did post on Instagram (with dozens of comments from thankful Russians) about the unprecedentedly large fires happening now across five regions of Siberia, destroying Russian forests, emitting greenhouse gases, and threatening the Arctic.

2. A former St. Petersburg official was convicted of letting himself be buttered up. Meaning, he accepted bribes from illegal street vendors in the form of not just cash, but also eggs and butter, and allegedly honey as well. For some reason, the official won’t admit to the honey, even though the $11 jar probably won’t make any difference in this sticky situation. He was fined over $10,000. This is clearly not the way to get to the Land of Milk Products and Honey. 

3. Ukrainians say there is a threatening green light shining on them from the Russian side of the Azov Sea, and President Zelensky’s military (cough, zeleny means green in both Ukrainian and Russian, albeit slightly different pronunciation and spelling) isn’t happy about it. Russians say that’s impossible, or perhaps an optical illusion. We Americans say it sounds a lot like an Eastern European (egro, opposite) version of The Great Gatsby. 

 

In Odder News

• A man in St. Petersburg was sent to a mental hospital for trying to sell passports of the Kingdom of ASPI. Which doesn’t exist. 
• Russia will have official roads made of ice and snow. Don’t salt these ones please. 
• The mayor of a town in the Far East gave citizens buckets of paint as part of the campaign “colorful houses.” 

 

Thanks to David Edwards for a story tip!

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