August 09, 2018

Crime Doesn't Pay

Crime Doesn't Pay
A Pension-t for Trouble

1. A pension fund office in Kaluga was bombed early Friday morning. The bombing followed the government’s unpopular decision to raise the pension age for both men and women, an act that has sparked protests across the country. Preliminary reports suggest that the blast was caused by standard ammunition, not a homemade explosive device. In true Russian spirit, the Kaluga pension fund office was still open for business on Friday.

2. A cat in the clink! One intrepid feline was found attempting to carry drugs (hashish and amphetamines) into a prison in the Tula region. To be fair to our maligned cat, police believe that two recent inmates of the prison used the cat to smuggle the drugs into the prison, and that it was not actually the cat’s idea. The theory is that the inmates put the drugs into a collar on the cat, which had also formerly lived at the prison. The cat was then supposed to return home, delivering the drugs to the prisoners. We hope that the cat will get a “get out of jail free” card, but it seems the culprits may not: they face up to 10 years in prison for their less than purrrfect crime.

3. One man in St. Petersburg has gone off the rails. Or rather, the rails have gone off thanks to him. Police detained a man who reportedly stole 275 metric tons of train track rails over the past month. A local news website estimated that this much track is worth 5 million rubles ($79,000). So which will come first, this man’s life turning into a train wreck or an actual train wreck? Only time will tell.

In Odder News:


Quote of the Day:

“The woebegone mechanic dismantled more than 275 metric tons of metal products with a wrench and a crowbar”

— St. Petersburg transport police

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