February 13, 2014

Because Curling is Not Funny Enough! #SochiFunny


Because Curling is Not Funny Enough! #SochiFunny

“Of course we are proud, excited even,” said Russian skater Maxim Trankov, after he and partner Tatiana Volosozhar won the coveted gold in pairs skating this week. “But more than that, we are glad the pressure is off. Ever since we were featured on the cover of Russian Life, we have felt that the eyes of the world were upon us. It’s not an understatement to say we owe our win to Russian Life – it really pumped us up! Well, that and the daily calls from the Kremlin to ask how we are doing...”

Of course, Trankov never said any of that. We’re just joking. Because life without humor is dull. And that is even true when it comes to sports.

Here at the Olympics, one cannot be exclusively focused on “ochki, goly, sekundy” (points, goals,seconds). So, time to look at the lighter side of things in Sochi.

First there is the slapstick humor of the Norwegian men's kerling team, which beat the US on Monday. Their funky red and white checkerboard pants had to be specially approved by the IOC in the run-up to the Olympics. But then those crazy Norwegian kerlers dared to stroll about the Olympic park wearing their checkered britches. The ICO then stepped in and barred them from doing this as it was regarded as brand advertising, which is not officially permitted at the Games. So, in protest, the kerlers posed pantless for photographs before the Olympic flame. Pantless, that is, in the sense of in their underwear...

 

Here in the Rostelekom [not an advertisement] Computer Center, where we press types type our articles and posts, we work on nice, notebooks, but are required to use the not-so-user friendly Open Office software, which many of us find to be a nightmare. So one smart lady here dubbed it "Zhopen Office" (in Russian, zhopa is a crude-ish word for one’s behind).

Meanwhile, there are some developments in the investigation into the causes of the mysterious “fifth ring scandal” – the one that did not open during the opening ceremony due to technical glitch. Those who saw it live at the stadium (and, I am told, in the US) witnessed the mishap, but those who watched it live on TV-1 in Russia (perhaps with a 7-second delay) didn’t see anything wrong. Director Konstantin Ernst confessed that they dubbed in footage from the successful rehearsal. Call it a hitech Potemkin Village. Ernst preferred a Zen explanation: “if a ball is perfectly polished, leave a dent on it so that one can see how well it is polished.”

Luckily, Runet was abuzz with a very logical explanation: It was not a mistake but an intentional snub. The fifth ring in question, one blogger said, symbolizes North America, and it was purposely left dim because US President Barack Obama chose not to attend.

Then there was an unexpected coup: Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev caught on tape, napping during the opening ceremony (apparently even the 7-second delay couldn’t save him). It has already spawned a slew of great memes online.

"Dmitry Anatolevich, are you sleeping again? Dmitry Anatolevich?"
"Young man, last stop!"
"Hey, I wasn't sleeping!"

As everyone knows, security is a huge concern here, so there are lines just like for airports to get on the train between Adler and the mountain venues. In one instance a security guard about my age noticed “a suspicious small bottle” when x-raying my bag. He asked me to pull it out and show it to him. It was a mundane bottle of some Gucci fragrance, so in order to prove it was not a bomb, I sprayed some on me and on him as well.

“Luchshe vnutr” (better taken internally) was his witty reply. As we were both children of the late-Soviet era (when drunkards often drank cheap cologne), we both laughed at his joke, and I always patronize the x-ray machine staffed by my new friend.

As I write this post, the Russian team is doing really well overall, and it’s a balmy 17 degrees (low 60s for you Fahrenheitians). As my dad is fond of joking when things seem to be going too well, “pora rastrelyat” (time for the firing squad).

Oh how we Russians love our dark humor. Me, I might just take a dip in the ocean. But I’ll leave my pants on.

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Little Golden Calf
February 01, 2010

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Our edition of The Little Golden Calf, one of the greatest Russian satires ever, is the first new translation of this classic novel in nearly fifty years. It is also the first unabridged, uncensored English translation ever, and is 100% true to the original 1931 serial publication in the Russian journal 30 Dnei. Anne O. Fisher’s translation is copiously annotated, and includes an introduction by Alexandra Ilf, the daughter of one of the book’s two co-authors.

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White Magic

The thirteen tales in this volume – all written by Russian émigrés, writers who fled their native country in the early twentieth century – contain a fair dose of magic and mysticism, of terror and the supernatural. There are Petersburg revenants, grief-stricken avengers, Lithuanian vampires, flying skeletons, murders and duels, and even a ghostly Edgar Allen Poe.

Life Stories
September 01, 2009

Life Stories

The Life Stories collection is a nice introduction to contemporary Russian fiction: many of the 19 authors featured here have won major Russian literary prizes and/or become bestsellers. These are life-affirming stories of love, family, hope, rebirth, mystery and imagination, masterfully translated by some of the best Russian-English translators working today. The selections reassert the power of Russian literature to affect readers of all cultures in profound and lasting ways. Best of all, 100% of the profits from the sale of this book are going to benefit Russian hospice—not-for-profit care for fellow human beings who are nearing the end of their own life stories.

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February 01, 2009

Survival Russian

Survival Russian is an intensely practical guide to conversational, colloquial and culture-rich Russian. It uses humor, current events and thematically-driven essays to deepen readers’ understanding of Russian language and culture. This enlarged Second Edition of Survival Russian includes over 90 essays and illuminates over 2000 invaluable Russian phrases and words.

The Moscow Eccentric
December 01, 2016

The Moscow Eccentric

Advance reviewers are calling this new translation "a coup" and "a remarkable achievement." This rediscovered gem of a novel by one of Russia's finest writers explores some of the thorniest issues of the early twentieth century.

The Little Humpbacked Horse
November 03, 2014

The Little Humpbacked Horse

A beloved Russian classic about a resourceful Russian peasant, Vanya, and his miracle-working horse, who together undergo various trials, exploits and adventures at the whim of a laughable tsar, told in rich, narrative poetry.

93 Untranslatable Russian Words
December 01, 2008

93 Untranslatable Russian Words

Every language has concepts, ideas, words and idioms that are nearly impossible to translate into another language. This book looks at nearly 100 such Russian words and offers paths to their understanding and translation by way of examples from literature and everyday life. Difficult to translate words and concepts are introduced with dictionary definitions, then elucidated with citations from literature, speech and prose, helping the student of Russian comprehend the word/concept in context.

Fish
February 01, 2010

Fish

This mesmerizing novel from one of Russia’s most important modern authors traces the life journey of a selfless Russian everywoman. In the wake of the Soviet breakup, inexorable forces drag Vera across the breadth of the Russian empire. Facing a relentless onslaught of human and social trials, she swims against the current of life, countering adversity and pain with compassion and hope, in many ways personifying Mother Russia’s torment and resilience amid the Soviet disintegration.

The Pet Hawk of the House of Abbas
October 01, 2013

The Pet Hawk of the House of Abbas

This exciting new trilogy by a Russian author – who has been compared to Orhan Pamuk and Umberto Eco – vividly recreates a lost world, yet its passions and characters are entirely relevant to the present day. Full of mystery, memorable characters, and non-stop adventure, The Pet Hawk of the House of Abbas is a must read for lovers of historical fiction and international thrillers.

 

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