February 13, 2014

Because Curling is Not Funny Enough! #SochiFunny


Because Curling is Not Funny Enough! #SochiFunny

“Of course we are proud, excited even,” said Russian skater Maxim Trankov, after he and partner Tatiana Volosozhar won the coveted gold in pairs skating this week. “But more than that, we are glad the pressure is off. Ever since we were featured on the cover of Russian Life, we have felt that the eyes of the world were upon us. It’s not an understatement to say we owe our win to Russian Life – it really pumped us up! Well, that and the daily calls from the Kremlin to ask how we are doing...”

Of course, Trankov never said any of that. We’re just joking. Because life without humor is dull. And that is even true when it comes to sports.

Here at the Olympics, one cannot be exclusively focused on “ochki, goly, sekundy” (points, goals,seconds). So, time to look at the lighter side of things in Sochi.

First there is the slapstick humor of the Norwegian men's kerling team, which beat the US on Monday. Their funky red and white checkerboard pants had to be specially approved by the IOC in the run-up to the Olympics. But then those crazy Norwegian kerlers dared to stroll about the Olympic park wearing their checkered britches. The ICO then stepped in and barred them from doing this as it was regarded as brand advertising, which is not officially permitted at the Games. So, in protest, the kerlers posed pantless for photographs before the Olympic flame. Pantless, that is, in the sense of in their underwear...

 

Here in the Rostelekom [not an advertisement] Computer Center, where we press types type our articles and posts, we work on nice, notebooks, but are required to use the not-so-user friendly Open Office software, which many of us find to be a nightmare. So one smart lady here dubbed it "Zhopen Office" (in Russian, zhopa is a crude-ish word for one’s behind).

Meanwhile, there are some developments in the investigation into the causes of the mysterious “fifth ring scandal” – the one that did not open during the opening ceremony due to technical glitch. Those who saw it live at the stadium (and, I am told, in the US) witnessed the mishap, but those who watched it live on TV-1 in Russia (perhaps with a 7-second delay) didn’t see anything wrong. Director Konstantin Ernst confessed that they dubbed in footage from the successful rehearsal. Call it a hitech Potemkin Village. Ernst preferred a Zen explanation: “if a ball is perfectly polished, leave a dent on it so that one can see how well it is polished.”

Luckily, Runet was abuzz with a very logical explanation: It was not a mistake but an intentional snub. The fifth ring in question, one blogger said, symbolizes North America, and it was purposely left dim because US President Barack Obama chose not to attend.

Then there was an unexpected coup: Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev caught on tape, napping during the opening ceremony (apparently even the 7-second delay couldn’t save him). It has already spawned a slew of great memes online.

"Dmitry Anatolevich, are you sleeping again? Dmitry Anatolevich?"
"Young man, last stop!"
"Hey, I wasn't sleeping!"

As everyone knows, security is a huge concern here, so there are lines just like for airports to get on the train between Adler and the mountain venues. In one instance a security guard about my age noticed “a suspicious small bottle” when x-raying my bag. He asked me to pull it out and show it to him. It was a mundane bottle of some Gucci fragrance, so in order to prove it was not a bomb, I sprayed some on me and on him as well.

“Luchshe vnutr” (better taken internally) was his witty reply. As we were both children of the late-Soviet era (when drunkards often drank cheap cologne), we both laughed at his joke, and I always patronize the x-ray machine staffed by my new friend.

As I write this post, the Russian team is doing really well overall, and it’s a balmy 17 degrees (low 60s for you Fahrenheitians). As my dad is fond of joking when things seem to be going too well, “pora rastrelyat” (time for the firing squad).

Oh how we Russians love our dark humor. Me, I might just take a dip in the ocean. But I’ll leave my pants on.

Like this post? Get a weekly email digest + member-only deals

Some of Our Books

Russian Rules

Russian Rules

From the shores of the White Sea to Moscow and the Northern Caucasus, Russian Rules is a high-speed thriller based on actual events, terrifying possibilities, and some really stupid decisions.
Faith & Humor: Notes from Muscovy

Faith & Humor: Notes from Muscovy

A book that dares to explore the humanity of priests and pilgrims, saints and sinners, Faith & Humor has been both a runaway bestseller in Russia and the focus of heated controversy – as often happens when a thoughtful writer takes on sacred cows. The stories, aphorisms, anecdotes, dialogues and adventures in this volume comprise an encyclopedia of modern Russian Orthodoxy, and thereby of Russian life.
At the Circus (bilingual)

At the Circus (bilingual)

This wonderful novella by Alexander Kuprin tells the story of the wrestler Arbuzov and his battle against a renowned American wrestler. Rich in detail and characterization, At the Circus brims with excitement and life. You can smell the sawdust in the big top, see the vivid and colorful characters, sense the tension build as Arbuzov readies to face off against the American.
The Little Humpbacked Horse (bilingual)

The Little Humpbacked Horse (bilingual)

A beloved Russian classic about a resourceful Russian peasant, Vanya, and his miracle-working horse, who together undergo various trials, exploits and adventures at the whim of a laughable tsar, told in rich, narrative poetry.
Stargorod: A Novel in Many Voices

Stargorod: A Novel in Many Voices

Stargorod is a mid-sized provincial city that exists only in Russian metaphorical space. It has its roots in Gogol, and Ilf and Petrov, and is a place far from Moscow, but close to Russian hearts. It is a place of mystery and normality, of provincial innocence and Black Earth wisdom. Strange, inexplicable things happen in Stargorod. So do good things. And bad things. A lot like life everywhere, one might say. Only with a heavy dose of vodka, longing and mystery.
The Frogs Who Begged for a Tsar (bilingual)

The Frogs Who Begged for a Tsar (bilingual)

The fables of Ivan Krylov are rich fonts of Russian cultural wisdom and experience – reading and understanding them is vital to grasping the Russian worldview. This new edition of 62 of Krylov’s tales presents them side-by-side in English and Russian. The wonderfully lyrical translations by Lydia Razran Stone are accompanied by original, whimsical color illustrations by Katya Korobkina.
Murder and the Muse

Murder and the Muse

KGB Chief Andropov has tapped Matyushkin to solve a brazen jewel heist from Picasso’s wife at the posh Metropole Hotel. But when the case bleeds over into murder, machinations, and international intrigue, not everyone is eager to see where the clues might lead.
Life Stories: Original Fiction By Russian Authors

Life Stories: Original Fiction By Russian Authors

The Life Stories collection is a nice introduction to contemporary Russian fiction: many of the 19 authors featured here have won major Russian literary prizes and/or become bestsellers. These are life-affirming stories of love, family, hope, rebirth, mystery and imagination, masterfully translated by some of the best Russian-English translators working today. The selections reassert the power of Russian literature to affect readers of all cultures in profound and lasting ways. Best of all, 100% of the profits from the sale of this book are going to benefit Russian hospice—not-for-profit care for fellow human beings who are nearing the end of their own life stories.
Marooned in Moscow

Marooned in Moscow

This gripping autobiography plays out against the backdrop of Russia's bloody Civil War, and was one of the first Western eyewitness accounts of life in post-revolutionary Russia. Marooned in Moscow provides a fascinating account of one woman's entry into war-torn Russia in early 1920, first-person impressions of many in the top Soviet leadership, and accounts of the author's increasingly dangerous work as a journalist and spy, to say nothing of her work on behalf of prisoners, her two arrests, and her eventual ten-month-long imprisonment, including in the infamous Lubyanka prison. It is a veritable encyclopedia of life in Russia in the early 1920s.
Dostoyevsky Bilingual

Dostoyevsky Bilingual

Bilingual series of short, lesser known, but highly significant works that show the traditional view of Dostoyevsky as a dour, intense, philosophical writer to be unnecessarily one-sided. 
Murder at the Dacha

Murder at the Dacha

Senior Lieutenant Pavel Matyushkin has a problem. Several, actually. Not the least of them is the fact that a powerful Soviet boss has been murdered, and Matyushkin's surly commander has given him an unreasonably short time frame to close the case.
The Samovar Murders

The Samovar Murders

The murder of a poet is always more than a murder. When a famous writer is brutally stabbed on the campus of Moscow’s Lumumba University, the son of a recently deposed African president confesses, and the case assumes political implications that no one wants any part of.

About Us

Russian Life is a publication of a 30-year-young, award-winning publishing house that creates a bimonthly magazine, books, maps, and other products for Russophiles the world over.

Latest Posts

Our Contacts

Russian Life
73 Main Street, Suite 402
Montpelier VT 05602

802-223-4955