Ten Tips for Edward Snowden

Edward Snowden is not the first member of the foreign intelligence community to be granted asylum in Moscow. But he will certainly have an easier time of it than his predecessors did, because things here most definitely ain't what they used to be. Still, thinking about what it was like for those colleagues of his, young Eddie would do well to consider the following 10 pieces of advice.

1. He should not put off studying Russian because, after all, there's no time like the present. And he must not even think about complaining that there's no time, or it's a really hard language, even though those are perfectly valid excuses for not cracking the books. Donald Maclean of the Cambridge Five1 gritted his teeth and learned his Russian. He then landed a slew of consulting jobs, wrote books, published articles in some pretty serious periodicals, and was fun to be around and a big hit with his many new Russian friends.

2. He should live downtown. He will be a busy man – no doubt about that – and the commute from a suburban villa to Moscow and back again will take four hours out of his day. And the Moscow gridlock is going to get very old very fast. He's still a youngster, unlike George Blake,2 who at the fine old age of 90 prefers the country life.

3. He should be in no hurry to get married. All the Moscow beauties want to bag an American celebrity these days, so there's no rush. He can take his time (and, of course, had best give Anna Chapman3 a wide berth). Both Kim Philby and George Blake married lovely Russian ladies. In fact, Philby wrote that the happiest years of his life were those he spent in Russia, all thanks to his wife, Rufina.

4. Given his top-notch computer skills, Snowden need have no fear of being out of a job. But that actually isn't the point: he should take a good look at all the offers he receives and carefully vet the companies who want to hire him. In Moscow, professionals like him are well set to pull in even more than the $100,000 a year he was making in Hawaii. Don't sell yourself short, Mr. Snowden!

5. Yes, OK, New York is a city of many contrasts. But Moscow is too. So, before heading off to a club or a restaurant, he should scope it out in the internet (it's not as though he doesn't know how that works). His worthy predecessors liked to drop in at the National or the Metropole, and even today, with more choices than you can shake a stick at, those two restaurants are still where the big names hang out.

6. If he has to start giving interviews, he should check first with people in the know. He could end up in a tabloid that will manage, accidentally-on-purpose, to distort not just every sentence but every word in every sentence. Philby once agreed to be interviewed in Riga and was truly put out when he discovered how pushy those Latvian television people could be.4 George Blake screens meet-and-greet requests way more thoroughly and rarely accepts, but when he does say "Yes," it is always to a mainstream newspaper or high-profile TV station.

7. He should go easy with Russia's favorite tipple. Because tradition demands it and because they're big-hearted that way, everyone will be only too honored to raise a glass "To Snowden!" But then it had better be a shot glass (or two or three)—never, ever a tumbler-full. Some of Snowden's colleagues may well have fallen unwitting prey to a toast-maker's genuine charm in the past, had one too many, and wound up with a pounding headache. But if things ever do get that bad, it is always handy to know that, as hangover remedies go, no pill can hold a candle to pickle juice.

8. He should not hole up in Moscow. The huge capital city is only a tiny part of Russia's vast expanses. Everyone who trod Snowden's path before him has loved to travel, and where comfort was hard to come by, that was more than made up for by the sights (which beat anything Hawaii has to offer) and the warm welcome.

9. Some of Snowden's predecessors changed their names when they got to the USSR, most often choosing a Baltic moniker. But that was then… Today it's better to keep the name you started out with. Especially since eight out of ten people here associate the name Snowden with a man who opted not to live a lie and who told the world the truth.

10. Finally, Mr. Snowden, have your family visit Moscow. Even during the Cold War, both sides were generous with their entry visas and exit permits, and that's even more true today. Philby, Blake and the rest were always eager to see their mothers, children and other relatives. And as for you, Mr. Edward Joseph Snowden, the least you can do is invite your father, who is worried sick about you.

Sergei Komarov prefers to remain anonymous.

1. Five Cambridge University graduates recruited in the 1930s to spy for the Soviet Union: ow.ly/nJgSR.

2. Another British spy: ow.ly/nJjc7

3. The repatriated Russian spy who has apparently proposed marriage to Snowden via Twitter: ow.ly/nJhfh

4. The program was aired on Latvian TV in October 1987.