Milky Ways

A milk war broke out between Belarus and Russia in June, providing ample food for thought about the role of milk in Russian.

In an article titled “Лукашенко попал в молоко” (Lukashenko hit the milk), the pro-Putin (and pro-Medvedev too, if that distinction is of any importance) Komsomolskaya Pravda lashed out at the Belarusan leader, who boycotted a Moscow-led security summit to protest a Russian ban on Belarusan dairy products. Russia’s Federal Consumer Rights Protection Service had blacklisted some 1,300 Belarusan dairy products (молочные продукты) for not “meeting the standards of Russia’s new technical regulations.”

The headline comes from military slang. A poor shooter’s bullets miss the bullseye and instead попадают в молоко (hit the “milk,” i.e. the white spot on the target). In this particular case, it meant Lukashenko’s boycott of the summit fell flat. Russia’s central media, defending the position of the Medvedev-Putin duopoly, portrayed Lukashenko as a conniving politician who is trying to use Russia as a дойная корова (milk cow), benefiting from cheap Russian gas while sending some 80 percent of its dairy export to Russia, earning Lukashenko et al a neat $1 billion per year.

Lukashenko is indeed a shrewd politician, not some callow молокосос (milk sucker, greenhorn) who is so young that у него молоко на губах не обсохло (the milk has not yet dried on his lips). Adroitly playing Russia against Europe, Lukashenko seems to personify the proverb ласковый телёнок двух маток сосёт (a friendly calf suckles off two mothers, i.e. he who is friendly with everyone, gets help and protection from everyone).

Not that Putin or Medvedev are naively allowing Lukashenko to milk Russia like some беспомощный телёнок (helpless calf). It is just that they can’t milk much out of Lukashenko: Знать, от быка не хлебать молока (You can’t drink milk from a bull). This bull is even dragging his hooves in refusing to join Russia in recognition of South Ossetia and Abkhazia as independent countries (to date, just Nicaragua has joined with Russia), likely leading the diumvirate in Moscow to conclude that толку от него как от козла молока (he is as useful as a goat for milking).

Meanwhile, an article written by proponents of Lukashenko was titled, Целили в Лукашенко, а попали в молоко (They targeted Lukashenko but hit the milk). The implication was that Lukashenko would not be tarnished by the milk war.

A certain portion of Russia’s political spectrum sympathizes with Lukashenko, due to his “firm hand” socially, and his heavy subsidies for local farms and industry. Some even speculate that he could defeat Medvedev and even Putin in a race for a combined Russian-Belarusan presidency.

The fact is, most Russians over 40 с молоком матери впитали (have imbibed with the mother’s milk) the notion that Belarus (a.k.a. Belorussia) and Russia are “brotherly Slavic peoples.” And many Russians remember that the fortress of Brest (a Belarusan city) took the first blow from the Germans and held out heroically under siege.

Meanwhile, жадные до власти (power hungry) politicians abuse such good feelings for their own purposes. And why not? Politics is dirty, cynical work. The kind of work where workers should be given молоко за вредность (milk as payment for hazardous labor, an expression from Soviet times, when workers in hazardous factories received free milk rations).

Such perks dissolved with the advent of the free market, which promised us instead молочные реки, кисельные берега (literally, milky rivers and kisel shores, meaning good life, life in exuberance; kisel is a homemade fruit drink). Yet, for the overwhelming majority of Russians, that promise failed to materialize, all the more so given the current economic crisis. So now we listen to all economic promises with a healthy dose of caution. After all, обжегшись на молоке, дуешь на воду (burn your tongue on milk, you’ll blow on water, i.e. once burned, twice shy).

Russian Proverb: У корове молоко на языке. Literally, a cow’s milk is on its tongue, meaning, if you don’t feed a cow, you won’t get any milk (you reap what you sow).