To Tula! Samovar Optional ...

Peter the Great tried to impose coffee on boyar-dominated Russia, but tea would not give way. This, however, did not stop coffee from having some linguistic influence here. In fact, a Russian’s pronunciation of the word coffee (кофе) may help you discern their provenance: provincials often pronounce the final syllable with a hard “f,” making it sound like “фэ,” while the correct pronunciation sounds like “фе.”

The incorrect pronunciation can be heard in a scene from the classic film, Diamond Arm. The smuggler Lyolik, at pains to cure his accomplice Gena’s hangover, tries waking him with promises of “a bath, coffee, and even chocolate with tea.” (“Будет тебе там и ванна, и кофе, будет и какао с чаем!”)

But tea is king here, and the process of tea drinking is rich in protocol and etiquette. Even the least hospitable housewife, when admitting a guest or visitor into her home, is expected to offer him a cup of tea. This practice actually ends up giving a visitor an “out”–a way to escape an unwanted meal. “If only for a cup of tea,” can be the polite reply to the invitation. (“Ну, если только на чашку чаю.”)

This etiquette inspired humorist Leon Izmaylov’s joke about a mother-in-law (тёща) who comes for an extended visit. “I won’t be staying that long, don’t worry,” says the тёща upon her arrival. “Что, даже чаю не попьёте?” (“What, you mean you won’t even have tea with us?”), responds the son-in-law, in a voice filled with hope.

In general, an offer of tea is always welcome. This gave birth to the proverb, “Чай пить – не дрова рубить” (“Drinking tea is not like cutting wood.”), often used as a joking reply to an invitation to have tea. Indeed, tea is seen to be the very antithesis of work, as in the popular Soviet-era marketing slogan which has become ubiquitous in recent years, often imprinted on hotpads and aprons: Выпьешь чайку – позабудешь тоску (Have a little tea and you will forget your anguish).

If you tire of the normal “пить чай” (“drink tea” ), you can mine old Russian for some more colorful expressions with which to lace your invitations. In the 19th century, Russians would offer graciously, “Не угодно ли чаю откушать” (literally, “Would it not be pleasant for you to taste some tea?”) There is also the elegant verb чаёвничать (Вы не будете чаёвничать?)–perhaps best translated as “to tea.” This is still used by middle-aged and older Russians, as is the colloquial чай гонять (literally, “to drive tea,” as in down one’s gullet).

Not all tea-driven idioms are about tea per se. Some are about the famous самовар, that very Russian appliance for brewing tea. Usually made of copper, when polished, samovars have a beautiful shine. Thus, if someone is irrepressibly happy, one may ask: “Что ты сияешь как самовар?” (“Why are you shining like a samovar”) And when someone brings something to a place which that locale already has plenty of (say, bringing maple syrup to Vermont), you may hear the proverb: “В Тулу со своим самоваром не ездят.” (“You don’t bring your own samovar to Tula”). Thus, in Rogovoy’s short story Victoria, we read: “Someone asked in a bass voice: ‘Is that your wife you’re with?’ To which a lively tenor voice in the dark chimed in: ‘You don’t go to Tula with your own samovar!’” (Why bother taking one’s wife to a town where there are plenty of other dates?)

But Tula is famous not only for its samovars, but also for its cookies: the Тульский пряник (Tula pryanik). A пряник is a dense, cake-like cookie typically filled with a layer of jam. Additionally, the dough often has honey in it. This makes for a sweet treat that has actually given the cookie a “political dimension.” The Russian equivalent of “a carrot and stick policy” is политика кнута и пряника (literally: “a whip and cookie policy”). Not surprisingly, Soviet political scientists often used this political idiom to describe U.S. foreign policies toward other countries.

Of late, this idiom seems to have fallen into disuse. Perhaps because both U.S. and Russian leaders want to find common ground (which Bush and Putin did in Slovenia: it turns out both named their two daughters after the girls’ two grandmothers).

So the ice may be broken on the personal front, but both leaders still have plenty to disagree about on policy matters, which they will take up at a summit in the U.S. this fall.

To that end, Bush’s team is advised to prepare a hospitable reception for his Russian counterpart, promising (perhaps in a rich, southern accent) that Putin will find in Texas и ванна, и кофе, и какао с чаем.