Open Sesame, Russian Style

Some phrases in Russian seem at first sight to be normal, harmless everyday expressions. Put in context, though, they prove to be magic words – the equivalent of Ali Baba in the fairytale about the 40 thieves saying “Open Sesame” at the entrance to the cave full of treasures.

Here is a good case in point. At a recent interview with a Russian candidate applying for a position at a Western company, the employer wanted to find out about the candidate’s current salary. Not an easy question to ask – at least by Western standards. So what does the Russian manager of the company do? He asks: “­Если не секрет, сколько Вы получаете?” (“If it’s not a secret, how much do you make?”). “If it’s not a secret” is a good, disarming linguistic subterfuge, and in this case it worked. The sum in question was revealed. The formula is friendly, almost confidential, and invites the interviewee to be sincere – as if the interviewer were to say: “How could there possibly be any secrets between you and me?!”

Another puzzle. How can you ask someone for a favor and make the plea sound so irresistible that it cannot be refused? There are two options. Instead of a simple: пожалуйста (please) try this for a change: “Не в службу, а в дружбу” (“For friendship, not as part of your job”). Who would refuse to do a favor for the sake of friendship? “Не в службу, а в дружбу, принесите нам кофейку” (“For friendship, not as part of your job, bring us some coffee”), a boss asks his secretary. This formula, combined with a broad smile and a friendly hand on the shoulder, has melted many a hard heart.

A synonymous expression is “Не сочтите за труд” (“Don’t think of it as a chore”). “Не сочтите за труд, закройте дверь, а то здесь сквозняк” (“Would you be so kind as to close the door; there’s a draft in here”). It’s not a big deal to close a door and nobody would really regard it as labor.

What does a Russian do when he is dying to give his opinion or advice on a subject he has nothing to do with? He starts his monologue with “Конечно, это не моё дело...” (“Of course, it’s none of my business, but...”). And then he says whatever comes into his head, without really bothering about the other person’s reaction. At least this formula helps to sweeten the pill.

What do Russians do when they are not sure of a piece of news but still want to spread it around? If someone questions the truth of it they just say: “За что купил – за то и продал” (“I sold it for the same price I bought it for”), which means “I’m just telling it the way I heard it.”

The next “Open Sesame” dates back to Soviet times but is still pertinent today. How can someone jump a long line? Their best bet is to say: “Я с ребёнком” (“I have a child”), and then preferably display the child in question as proof. This usually works, but may draw the ire of a queuing babushka, who might tell you she has a grandson, but that’s no reason for her to jump in. Я с ребёнком has evolved into an odd set phrase meaning simply “Let me pass.” Some jokers use it when shoving their way onto an overcrowded bus.

One set of magic words, also hung over from the Soviet era, has a very definite purpose – to pave the way for offering a bribe. One example results from that classic situation on the road in Russia – you’ve been pulled over by the ubiquitous GAI (traffic police) for some obscure offense on the road. A brisk “Может так договоримся?” (“Could we settle this between the two of us?”) should obviate the need for a trip to the station.

Yet another magic formula is being used extensively in today’s “transition to the market economy.” No one in Russia can avoid dealing with plumbers, given the terrible state of most plumbing here. Whenever one comes to stop a leak which flooded a neighbor below, he’ll likely start in with complaints about a shortage of spare parts, or by telling you he’s not supposed to do this or that kind of work. To keep things brief, just tell him “Я Вас отблагодарю” (“You’ll be rewarded”), a euphemism for “I’ll tip you.” Whenever a little tribute is involved, remember this key phrase – you will make yourself clear. But don’t forget to “reward” him or your neighbors can expect more deluges.

There is an alternative to the “rewarding” phrase: “За мной не заржавеет” means something like “I won’t make you wait until my gratitude gets rusty,” or “I owe you one and will reciprocate soon.” This is not quite as universal as “You’ll be rewarded,” but is quite okay for dealing with plumbers and other proletarian professionals – after all, these guys know all about rust...