Presidential Patty Cakes

This spring, a ruckus roiling US-Russian relations was one for the history books: It was the first spat that involved a children’s playground taunt.

It began when US President Biden said “Um, yes” when a journalist asked if he thought Russian President Putin was a killer. Then, in Moscow, a journalist asked Putin for his response. After wishing his American counterpart good health – “будьте здоровы!” – Putin recalled his rough and tumble St. Petersburg childhood. “Я вспоминаю, в детстве мы во дворе, когда спорили друг с другом, говорили так: “Кто как обзывается – тот так и называется” (“I recall that when we had fights with each other in the courtyard, we’d say [literally] whatever you call someone is what you are.”)

English-speaking journalists frantically thought back to their childhoods and rendered this as: “Takes one to know one” or “I’m rubber and you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

This was followed by a week of arguing over the translation and meaning of the phrase – in addition to more serious political wrangling. I ignored the hard politics and instead happily went down the rabbit hole of what is called детский фольклор (children’s folklore). This is the vast children’s sub-culture that includes everything from affectionate nicknames parents give their children to kiddie games and rituals.

One of the richest areas is songs, expressions and sayings that adults say to kids and kids say to each other. Each category has a name that is a cute diminutive. For example, to calm a child who is upset, try потешки (entertainments, from потешаться – to amuse):  Ладушки, ладушки / Где были? У бабушки / Что ели? Кашку / Что пили? Бражку! (Patty cake, patty cake / Where were you? At Grandma’s! / What did you eat? Porridge / What did you drink? Beer!)

Nothing like the thought of having a beer with Granny to calm a toddler!

A mother might also recite прибаутки (tales, from баять – to tell a story). These are little stories, often with a bit of a moral, like this засыпалочка (tale to fall asleep to, from засыпать – to fall asleep): Раз, два, три, четыре, пять! / Мама с Мишей будут спать (One, two, three, four, five! / Mama and Misha will go to sleep).

Мирилки (reconciliation rhymes), from мирить – to reconcile) are meant to stop fights: Мирись, мирись, мирись / И больше не дерись / А если будешь драться / То я начну кусаться
(Be friends, be friends, be friends / And do not fight anymore / If you start to fight / I will start to bite).

Granny’s beer sounds better.

On the kid’s side, there are chants, songs, rhymes and little poems called обзывалки (name-calling rhymes) and дразнилки (teasing rhymes), which vary to some extent across Russia. For example, to taunt a greedy kid, everyone begins: Жадина-говядина! (Greedy-meaty!) But in one region they continue: …турецкий барабан / кто на нём играет, противный таракан (Turkish drum / Whoever plays it / Is a disgusting cockroach). In another place it ends:… солёный огурец / на полу валяется /  никто его не ест! (Greedy-meaty! Salted pickle / lies upon the floor / No one will eat it anymore!)

As the Russian president recalled, if you are taunted by a дразнилка, you have to respond. You might start out with simply: Сам такой же десять раз! (You’re the same times ten!). Or try a more literary approach: Обзываешь ты меня, переводишь на себя (When you call me a bad name, you turn it on yourself). If that doesn’t make an impression, you can launch into a rhyming counterattack: Обзывайся, обзывайся! / Сдачи дам, не сомневайся! (Call me names! / Call me names! / I’ll give it to you, just you wait!)

You know, this is exactly what a lot of politicians sound like.