Euphe-Putin-isms

Recently I had an amazing conversation with an employee of VGTRK (All Russia State Television and Radio Broadcasting Company). She was a bookish, middle-aged woman who seemed a bit oppressed by life.

Just as the British like to talk about weather, Russians like to talk about politics – with whomever we happen to run into, even before we’ve gotten to know them, just to pass the time.

So we started chatting as soon as she came out into the corridor to take my husband and me into the studio.

On the surface, we weren’t talking about anything out of the ordinary. But the woman’s conversation was so packed with some sort of code words that my husband kept asking for an explanation, so that I had to “translate” for him. If our conversation had been overheard by a member of the secret police, he would of course have understood what we were talking about. But a foreigner, or just a person uninterested in politics, would not have understood a single word.

Here is a small glossary of our conversation:

“He” [Он] (pronounced with great significance, looking skyward) – Vladimir Putin.

“The likable man who was brought along for the ride” [Симпатичный мужчина, которого привели за ручку] – Dmitry Medvedev (the word “likable” is so there’s no confusing him with the “He” who brought him along, or literally “led him in by his little hand,” like an adult leads along a child).

“The one who is no longer with us” [Человек, которого с нами больше нет] – Boris Nemtsov.

“The Wild Ones” [Дикие] – Chechens.

“Those who decide everything” [Те, которые всё решают] – the FSB.

“Man in grey” [Человек в сером] – an FSB worker (a term used for plainclothesmen).

“Man with a bulge in his jacket” [Человек с оттопыренным пиджаком] (accompanied by a small pantomime suggesting a gun) – security services agent.

“Former one. Bald one. Man in a cap.” [Бывший. Лысый. В кепке.] (for most, the first two will be enough, but the cap makes it really obvious) — Former Moscow Mayor Yuri Luzhkov.

“Our new one” [Наш новый] – Moscow Mayor Sergei Sobyanin.

“The Pit” [Яма] — VGTRK.

And so on, for the entire time we spoke. I had the distinct impression that she and I were undercover agents, meeting in enemy territory. When my husband loudly asked, “Is that Nemtsov you’re talking about?” the poor woman shuddered and went pale. And we were entirely alone in the corridor.

Actually, many people I know refuse to use the name “Putin” over the phone, saying only “he,” lowering their voice almost to a whisper. Some end a political conversation by saying, “Just not over the telephone, OK? Some things are better discussed in person.” Others, as soon as the subject turns to politics, will look over their shoulders, even if we are walking alone in a park, as if some “man in grey” might be hiding behind every tree.

When I was a child, I visited a gathering of amateur radio operators (I can’t recall how I got there, actually), where the first order of business was learning Morse code. It was actually easy and fun to learn, because each letter was associated with a word to help you memorize it. Wake me up in the middle of the night and I can still tell you that for F the word is fi-li-mooon-chik (dot-dot-dash-dot), for L it is lu-naaa-ti-ki (dot-dash-dot-dot), and Sh is shaaa-rooo-vaaa-ryyyy (dash-dash-dash-dash).*

I get the sense that it is time to retrieve Morse code from the dusty shelves of my memory. I may need it to communicate with friends, acquaintances, and especially employees of VGTRK.

* филимончик – a dimunitive for the name Filimon; a Ukrainian-Jewish name
лунатики – sleepwalkers
шаровары – shalwars or loose-fitting pants worn in Central and Southern Asia