Talking Man-to-Man

Just between us men, who among us has not dreamed of becoming a real macho man – what the Russians call a настоящий мужик? But what is a “real muzhik”? Some Russians think he should be able to drink anyone under the table, whereas some prefer sobriety, in order to show off their prowess at, say, a fitness center. As to qualities with which Survival Russian can be of help, it could reasonably be said that women all over the world value a muzhik with a good sense of humor. Didn’t the French writer Stendhal say: “Oh, you made a woman laugh? It’s as if you were already in her bed!” So, he who has many humorous idioms up his sleeve may be more likely to please the ladies.

To begin with, the title of this piece could be restated in a more humorous way. You will often hear Russian men saying, in fun, “Just between us girls” (“Между нами, девочками, говоря”). And this invariably draws smiles from all sides – of course, provided it is said amongst friends; amongst strangers, it may draw a negative reaction, political correctness knows no boundaries it seems...

As to manhood, there is an assortment of phrases to characterize a macho man. A настоящий мужик always behaves like a man (по-мужски), and, if he wants to urge someone to do the same, he might say “if you are a man” (“если ты мужчина”) – which is also a good way to provoke a fight. Manhood (мужественность) can also be seen in someone’s face, thus the phrase мужественное лицо. If two guys want to talk to each other man-to-man, they would have a мужской разговор. And men are supposed to speak like men. So, if someone says something juvenile (or simply says something you don’t like) and then all of a sudden his words start making sense, you can condescendingly tell him, “вот это речь не мальчика, но мужа” (“now I hear a man talking, rather than a boy”).

Athletes who show great endurance and character are said to have “shown themselves to be real men” (показали себя настоящими мужиками). And, prior to a sporting match, an underdog might tell the press that he came for a real fight and doesn’t want to be treated “like a whipping boy” (мальчик для битья).

Of course, for Russians, what’s good for a мужик is no good for a woman. Hence, an exaggerated masculinity in the fairer sex is frowned upon here, and an iron lady (железная леди) can be called a мужик в юбке (man in a skirt) – not a positive appellation. The adjective for such exaggerated masculinity is мужеподобная (manlike or masculine). On the other hand, if a woman thinks her man is a wimp and really wants to humiliate him, all she needs to say is: “ты не мужик, а тряпка” (literally “you are not a man but a rag” – the Russian equivalent for being not a man but a mouse). And, call it gender segregation if you like, but in Russia there is still the notion of a “man’s profession” (мужская профессия) – serving in the army, piloting a plane, etc.

Needless to say, all boys dream of becoming a man (стать мужчиной) which, as in English, also implies a loss of virginity. And when you want to urge someone to behave in a more mature way, try: “Ты уже не мальчик, юный барабанщик” (“You are no longer a boy, young drummer” – a cliché from an old song). Similarly, if someone thinks he is not being taken seriously, he might say in a vexed tone: “Are you taking me for a boy or what?” (“Что я тебе, мальчик?!”).

But not everything about boyhood is so bad. Otherwise, why would the Russians call a bachelor’s party a мальчишник (this is exactly how Tom Hanks’ movie Bachelor Party was translated here), though “bachelor” is more accurately translated into Russian as “холостяк.” For instance, when someone’s wife is away for a while, his friends might pat him on the back and say, with a conspiratorial look: “Холостя­куешь” (“Bach-e-lor-ing, eh?”). Which brings to mind the immortal phrase from the popular movie Diamond Arm: “Нет такого мужа, который не мечтал бы хоть на час стать холостяком” (“There is no husband who wouldn’t dream of becoming a bachelor, if only for an hour”).

Comments on a lonely wife’s situation take a more dramatic turn. If a wife stays without her husband for too long, the proverb has it that a woman without a man is twice as bad off as a widow (жена без мужа вдовы хуже).

But don’t even bother looking for an equivalent to the American exclamation “Oh boy!” – there isn’t one (“O! Мальчик” would be a stretch). Your best bet in this case is to sigh deeply and utter: “Да, ребята ...” (“Lemme tell ya, guys”). Or better yet: “Ну, вообще,” which means approximately the same thing. How do you tell the difference? Well, спросите чего полегче (ask me something simpler). Между нами девочками говоря, sometimes I can’t fathom this language myself. Just hang in there and keep learning the subtleties one-by-one. While it may or may not make a настоящий мужик out of you, it will help you speak настоящий русский язык.