It's the Little Things That Count

It is hard to say what Russians like more – to give or receive gifts. Probably the former. After all, Russia is known for its hospitality. Surely you have heard that you should never compliment a Russian on any item in his or her home, otherwise they will do their utmost to make you a gift of it. Such is the unwritten code of Russian largesse. Which, as this column attests, has overflowed into the Russian language itself.

To begin with, here is a practical hint: when you have decided on what type of gift the occasion requires, do not waste any time. Run right out and buy the gift before it’s too late. For, as the Russians say: Дорого яичко к Христову дню (“An egg is dearest at Easter,” or, That which is most appreciated is given when needed).

Upon receiving a gift, Russians do not usually unwrap the gift at once, preferring to put it aside for a more private moment, unless, of course, the gift giver insists. Russians share the English belief that one should never look a gift horse in the mouth (дарёному коню в зубы не смотрят).

But, what if you do not have any idea what to give? In that case, bear in mind the fact that Russia still considers itself to be “the most literate nation in the world,” (самая читающая нация в мире). So, when shopping, remember this bit of folk wisdom – a book is the best gift: книга – лучший подарок. But take care when selecting presents for New Russians: reading is not their favorite activity. Hence the famous joke about two nouveaux-riches arguing over what gift to buy their mutual friend: “Let’s give him a book,” says one to the other. But the second differs, “Why? He’s already got one.” (“Давай подарим ему книгу.” “Зачем? Ведь у него уже есть одна?!”)

In principle, Russians consider selecting the right gift a special talent: дар Божий. Many Russians are quite particular about the gifts they give. They carefully choose their gift, have it wrapped elaborately, and then heighten the overall effect by a thoughtful inscription – дарственная надпись – to the one receiving the present. Take note of the most typical dedications: Дорогому Ивану Иванову в день 60-летия... в день свадьбы... на добрую память... в знак нашей дружбы... на память о нашей встрече (To dear Ivan Ivanovich on the occasion of his 60th birthday... on his wedding day... as a souvenir... as a token of our friendship... in memory of our first meeting).

Well-educated Russians also consider it an art in itself to correctly receive gifts. Learn how to be appreciative upon receiving a gift. Say: “Вот угодил-так угодил” (“This guy really knows how to please.”), or: “Я об этом мечтал всю свою жизнь, подарок моей мечты” ( “I’ve been dreaming all my life about a gift like this, it’s my wildest fantasy!”). If the gift is expensive and you feel embarrassed (or are just pretending to be so out of politeness), say  “Мне даже неудобно” (“I feel kind of embarrassed.”).

But even if the gift was not what you wanted, or maybe if you already have something like it, don’t try to fob it off onto someone else, as Russians consider this a bad omen, besides being simply rude. So, next time you get another tie, keep this saying in mind: дарёное не дарят (a gift once received is not to be given again).

What to give and what not to give could be the subject of another column altogether, but, briefly, you should always apply different criteria to women and men, in order not to “mix up God’s gift with fried eggs” (не путать божий дар с яичницей), or, in other words, not to get confused. The best choices for men are the traditional Western ones like razors, cologne and ties. For women worrying about what to give their men, Russians are fond of saying that the best gift a woman can give is a son, and, especially upon the birth of their first son, Russian men proudly say “She gifted me a son” (Она подарила мне сына).

As for the Russian woman, when you ask her what sort of gift she wants, she might, out of coquetry, tell you “Даже не знаю” (“I don’t even know.”). If she won’t say anything else, don’t forget that most women like perfume, flowers and small, pretty knickknacks (духи, цветы и разные безделушки).

Chances are, though, that upon reflection, she will utter these common phrases: “Что-нибудь из одежды” (“some item of clothing”), or “Что-нибудь из косметики” (“some kind of make-up”). Or, even, “какие-нибудь часики” (“a little watch”). If you can’t afford clothing, expensive make-up, or a “little watch,” just make sure you come up with something nice. For, as the saying goes, “it’s the thought which counts, not the gift itself” (дорог не подарок – дорого внимание). However, if you are serious about your relationship with this or any woman, don’t abuse this linguistic ruse!