Off the Record

In a February 5 news conference, after meeting with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov, US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said, “We have concerns, and we’ve made it clear, about internal developments in Russia... It is important that Russia make clear to the world that it is intent on strengthening the rule of law, strengthening the role of the independent judiciary, permitting a free and independent press to flourish. These are all the basics of democracy.”

A US State Department spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that Rice privately expressed to Lavrov her concern over what Washington views as anti-democratic steps recently taken by the Russian government, such as its moves against oil giant Yukos, a clampdown on electronic media, and the continuing concentration of power in the Kremlin.

– Associated Press and others

“So nice to see you again, Sergei.”

“And you too, Secretary Rice. The new title suits you well.”

“Please, Sergei, no need for such formality. We have to work together more closely now. Why don’t you just call me ‘Kasha.’”

“Kasha? But–”

“I know, I know. Kasha is ‘porridge.’ But it was the best my first-year Russian teacher could do to russify Condoleezza. There was Sasha, Masha, Pasha... I was Kasha.”

“Ok....”

“Now, look, Sergei, we need to talk about all this anti-democratic stuff you have going on over there.”

“Whatever do you mean, Madame Secr– er, Kasha...?”

“Oh, c’mon Seryozha, you know what I’m talking about: Rule of law. Independent judiciary. Freedom of the press.”

“I see. Could you be more specific?”

“Well, let’s start with Yukos. I have to tell you that a lot of very influential people are upset about how that case is being handled. It seems like there is a Kremlin vendetta against Mr. Khodorkovsky, just because he was financing the opposition.”

“Vendetta? I am not familiar with that word.”

“Uh, razborka, a settling of accounts.”

“Yes, I see. Well, you know, Kasha, facts are very slippery things. I really should not comment on a pending court case. But, as we both know, politics is not self-financing. Getting elected requires financial support from one’s allies. And it is axiomatic, is it not, that, when one wins in politics, one has to reward one’s allies – say with things like ambassadorships, no-bid contracts, tax cuts and regulatory changes?”

“Well, yes...”

“So then it is also axiomatic that one’s opponents must be punished.”

“Well, sure. But one has to follow the rule of law... maintain an independent judiciary.”

“Oh, Kasha.” Lavrov sighs. “Is an independent judiciary one that can elect the president, define marriage and even life itself? Is an independent judiciary one that does nothing when executive powers ignore the Geneva Convention? That does nothing when legislators take large contributions from corporations and then speed their laws through the legislature? If so, I think we will do not need such an ‘independent judiciary.’”

“Well, Sergei, clearly facts are slippery things. And it can be quite difficult to comprehend another person’s country. I dare say that you oversimplify in your understanding of the American separation of powers. But surely you must agree that there has been a dangerous clampdown on freedom of the press, a concentration of media companies?”

“Dearest Kasha, I am so glad you have mentioned this. Because we are very concerned about this.”

“You are?”

“Yes, Kasha, a lot of very influential people in our government are very concerned about the lack of a free press in America. In fact, I have just read some very interesting statistics in my briefing books: 80% of Americans listen to radio stations that are controlled by just three companies and seven companies control 98% of the American television audience.”

“Oh, Seryozha, you are starting to sound like an old Soviet now. This is just capitalism at work, finding the most efficient level at which to operate.”

“That is a very interesting, Kasha. But I remember how, in the Soviet days, your Cold Warriors would say there was a media monopoly in Russia, and how that was a very bad thing.”

“Well, it is. If the government is controlling that media.”

“I see. But if the monopolies are controlled by corporations, then that is okay?”

“Well, yes... I mean, no... But...”

“Did you know, Kasha, that 80 years ago in America, more than 500 cities and towns had two or more competing newspapers?”

“I’m sure that is true. And that was a good thing. But times are changing now. The Internet. Television.”

“Yes, yes. But do you know how many cities there are now in America with more than one newspaper?”

“I am sure you are going to tell me.”

“I am. About six.”

“I see. And what exactly is all of this leading to, Minister Lavrov?”

“Such a sudden, formal turn, Kasha. Perhaps I have hit a nerve?”

“No, Sergei, I just think you are trivializing these issues. We are concerned about the preservation of democracy in Russia, about protecting it from the excesses of government. I think this is in the interests of all Russians.”

“I could not agree more, Condoleezza. And I merely want to state that we Russians are concerned about the preservation of democracy in America, about protecting it from the excesses of corporations and corporate-funded government. I think this is in the interests of all Americans.”

There is a long, uncomfortable pause. Minister Lavrov finally continues.

“You know...”

“Yes..?”

“Well, perhaps you will take this the wrong way.”

“Come now, Seryozha, we Americans and Russians must be frank with one another if our relationship is to prosper.”

“Yes, well, alright. You know, I was reminded just now of an old Russian proverb: Grechnevaya kasha sama sebya khvalit.”

“Kasha praises itself?”

“Yes, it means that something good, like kasha or democracy, speaks for itself, that one ought not be quick to toot one’s own horn, but let the good thing do its own talking, as it were.”

“I see, and I suppose the ‘kasha’ part is just a coincidence.”

“Absolutely, Madame Secretary.”