Baby It's Cold Outside

When i first arrived in Moscow, I couldn’t say much in Russian, but I could talk about the weather. I had mastered phrases like идёт снег (it’s snowing) or на улице ливень (it’s pouring out there), and I could tote them out when required. But, as with so many other topics, it turns out that there’s classroom weather Russian and actual weather Russian. And it’s the latter that you need to know to stay warm and dry, especially in Moscow, where глобальное изменение климата (global climate change) is making a hash of the weather patterns everyone has come to expect.

The first thing to know is the concept of перепад температуры, which any dictionary will helpfully translate as a “drop in temperature.” This is not wrong. A Russian family member or friend, congenitally skeptical of foreigners’ ability to dress appropriately, might say: “Одевайся по-теплее. Ночью был большой перепад температуры.” (Put on something warmer. The temperature really fell overnight.)

But the word is usually used in the plural – перепады – and actually means: sudden, enormous swings in temperature so drastic that you might leave for work in a t-shirt and need to return home in three layers of sweaters you borrowed from your coworkers. “Терпеть не могу эти московские перепады температуры! Температура упала почти на 20 градусов в течение рабочего дня. Вышла в лёгкой куртке, а все уже ходят в шубах.” (I can’t stand these Moscow temperature jumps. The temperature fell by almost 20 degrees during the workday. I went out in a light jacket and everyone was already in fur.)

In common usage, the swings in temperature expressed by перепады can go up or down, and the qualifiers плюс and минус (plus and minus) are not declined: “Ох, какие перепады! Утром было минус пятнадцать, a днём пошло резкое потепление до плюс восьми.” (These swings in temperature are a killer! This morning it was minus 15, but during the day the temperature soared to plus eight.)

The second important weather trick is learning to decipher the weather forecasts, especially the bizarre bits at the end. After the phrase переменная облачность (partly cloudy) – which covers the bases from blazing sunshine to low-hanging clouds delivering rain, sleet or snow – there is crucial information about атмосферное давление (atmospheric pressure). Like the temperature, this can swing wildly in Moscow. You sneer at your friends’ complaints until the first time you experience a drop in pressure: “Вдруг у меня жуткая головная боль, головокружение, и я хотела заснуть, сидя у компьютера” (Suddenly I had a terrible headache and vertigo, and I wanted to fall asleep sitting at my computer.)

Once you’ve accepted that everything every Russian has ever told you about давление is true, you have to open your mind to магнитное поле (the geomagnetic field), which can be спокойное, неустойчивое, слабо возмущённое и возмущённое (calm, unstable, slightly turbulent, and turbulent). The worst is магнитная буря (a geomagnetic storm). When one hits, people tell you: “У меня начинается сильная головная боль, резко повышается давление и болит сердце” (I get a bad headache, my blood pressure goes up, and my heart hurts). Or: “Я пластом валяюсь” (I lie around like a log). And the medics agree: “Исследования показали, что в день прохождения магнитной бури и в течение ближайших двух дней возрастало количество обращений людей с сердечно-сосудистыми проблемами” (Research has shown that, on the day of a geomagnetic storm, and over the next two days, the number of people with cardiovascular problems seeking care increased).

I still don’t know why these are all Russian phenomena. Maybe Russians are more метеочувствительные (weather-sensitive)? Or maybe the weather is just plain different in Russia?