Fishing with Dried Pasta

There are thousands of Russian idioms, proverbs and aphorisms. Many are explained in language textbooks and dictionaries, yet most rarely find their way into everyday speech. Some are so archaic as to be meaningless, others so overused as to become boring. As old folkloric wisdom is discredited, language users fracture old idioms into new ones. These usually pop up in colloquial speech or on the Internet, yet they cannot be ignored, for they tell us a lot about the language and the creativity of those using it.

Russian provides endless opportunities for wordplay. Consider the following idiomatic centaurs: У вас ещё лапша на ушах не обсохла (The noodles on your ears are not dry yet). It is a hybrid of two idiomatic expressions: вешать лапшу на уши (“to hang noodles on someone’s ears,” meaning to dupe someone) and у тебя ещё молоко на губах не обсохло (“the mother’s milk has not dried on your lips,” meaning you are still green). Another pseudo-idiom reads: А вы и ухом не моргнули (you didn’t even bat an ear). This is a mix of и глазом не моргнул (didn’t bat an eyelid) and и ухом не повёл (“didn’t twitch an ear,” meaning paid no heed to).

Pseudo-proverbs are often made by slightly altering one word, as in the English witticism, “Chaste makes waste.” Что посмеешь, то и пожнёшь (You reap what you risk), reads the anti-proverb, contradicting the time-honored Что посеешь, то и пожнёшь (You reap what you sow).

Or there is this nonsensical remake: Не йоги горшки обжигают (Yogis don’t fire jugs). The original reads Не боги горшки обжигают (Gods don’t fire jugs), which means “It can’t be that hard, you’ll manage.”

Anti-proverbs often rebel against the morals of the original, as in “If at first you don’t succeed, you’re average,” or “Love is blind, but neighbors aren’t.” Любишь кататься – люби и катайся (If you like riding on the sledge, go ahead), proclaims the neo-proverb, reworking the concept that, if you like riding on a sledge, you also must pull it (Любишь кататься – люби и саночки возить). Another rejects the need to work hard to achieve something: Без пруда не выловишь и рыбку из него (You can’t catch a fish without a pond). This is a parody on the well-known truth, Без труда не выловишь и рыбки из пруда (You can’t catch a fish from the pond without work).

As we have seen, some anti-proverbs cross-pollinate two proverbs, often with bizarre results (and uncertain meanings). И баба с возу, и волки сыты (The woman is off the cart and the wolves are fed) derives from И овцы целы, и волки сыты (“The sheep are safe and the wolves are fed,” meaning all parties are content) and Баба с возу – кобыле легче (The woman is off the cart and the mare’s burden is lighter). Не плюй в колодец, вылетит – не поймаешь (Don’t spit into the well – you won’t catch it once it’s out), advises another anti-proverb, a hybrid of the well-known Слово – не воробей, вылетит – не поймаешь (A word is not a sparrow, once it’s out, you won’t catch it) and Не плюй в колодец (Don’t spit into the well).

Another way to make a pun on a proverb is to “retell” it, or throw it into an unfamiliar context. Thus, Не по Хуану сомбреро (Juan does not deserve such a sombrero) is a take-off on Не по Сеньке шапка (Senka is not worthy of such a shapka).

Popular slogans and song lyrics are also fair game for linguistic mutations. This is how the triumphant line from a Soviet song, Мы рождены, чтоб сказку сделать былью (We were born to make dreams into reality), was transformed into Мы рождены, чтоб Кафку сделать былью. (We were born to make Kafka into reality). The sarcastic Брежнев умер, но тело его живёт (Brezhnev is dead, but his body lives on) is an historically accurate pun on the popular Soviet slogan Ленин умер, но дело его живёт (Lenin is dead, but his work lives on).

Finally, some of the best neo-proverbs are born unintentionally. An expat friend who wanted to show off his knowledge of Russian made the following contribution to Russian folklore: Милые бранятся – только чешутся. The original reads: Милые бранятся – только тешатся (When lovers fight, it is just to amuse themselves). In my friend’s version the verb тешатся, rarely used in contemporary speech, was replaced with the similar sounding чешутся (scratch themselves). It was a Freudian slip of almost Kafkaesque proportions.

Lina Rozovskaya (July 2003)