Tender Insults

There is nothing like the tender, inoffensive insult to patch up strained relations (like those from the marital squabbles described in this space last time). Sure, a “tender insult” sounds like an oxymoron, but only on the surface. Thus, the hero of Eldar Ryazanov’s film Forgotten Melody for a Flute (actor Leonid Filatov), after quarrelling with his date in a car, hugs her and says: “Дурында, ты моя!” And she melts and, well, surrenders.

An internet dictionary gives the following definition: Дурында – ласковое, не обидное обращение к девушке (tender, inoffensive way to address a girl). A synonym is дурёха. Both come from the insulting word “дура” (fool, silly person) and are formed through suffixation. The same Leonid Filatov (also a talented poet) used the word дурында in his poetic, humorous fairytale for the theater, Про Федота-стрельца (About Fedot the Archer):

Вот ответь мне – слов не трать!
Где царевне мужа брать?
Чай, сама, дурында, видишь –
Женихов у ей не рать

Answer right away, don’t waste words
Where can the tsarevna get a husband
It’s plain for you to see, you durynda
That grooms ain’t exactly linin’ up

As to дурочка (little fool), humorist Mikhail Zhvanetsky classified all women using two categories: (1) прелесть какая дурочка (such a lovely little fool) and (2) ужас, какая дура (such a horrifying idiot). The first category moves men to tears, the other makes them want to move far, far away.

Of course, men are not spared дурак derivatives. They include дурень (simpleton, noodle), which borders on insult but is still okay, and the much nicer дуралей (nincompoop, nitwit). Ryazanov had another light comedy aptly named, Привет, дуралеи! (Greetings, Nitwits). There is also the diminutive дурачок and the virtually cajoling дурашка (little fool). Дурашка is actually often used by adults when they talk to children. My uncle Yuri used to tease me in my childhood: “дурашка, хочешь кашки?” (“Hey, little fool, care for some cereal?”) Add to this list the noun глупышка (tiny little silly thing), and глупенький, its adjectival form.

The insulting дурак also has a widely-used replacement: чудак (queer fish). In a heated argument, you can say to your opponent: “Вот чудак” (“What an odd fellow”). Or, better yet: чудак-человек.

Of someone haplessly stupid, we say that he is бестолковый (бестолковая in the feminine), meaning muddle-headed. Or that he is a бестолочь (a unisex noun). “Эх ты, бестолочь!” a mother might say to a kid who has just done something wrong (or, more appropriately, who cannot figure out a mathematical problem she is trying to explain).

A must word in this rank is обормот (the dictionary gives “blockhead,” but that doesn’t convey the friendly, amicable nuance). An обормот is a rambunctious teenager who is probably a poor student but not a bad kid. Балбес is a bit stronger, but also inoffensive. A parent (jealous of somebody’s son’s success at school) might say about his own son, “А мой балбес только в футбол гоняет во дворе” (“Well, my odd-ball just kicks the ball around the courtyard”). But the use of the word балбес will tell you right away that he is not really angry with his son and loves him. Дурачина (or the more frequently used дурачина-простофиля continues this paradigm. One of Vladimir Vysotsky’s songs goes:

Жил-был добрый дурачина-простофиля.
Куда его только черти не носили!
Но однажды, как назло повезло
И совсем в чужое царство занесло.

Once upon a time there was a hapless fool
Who had been damned near everywhere!
But then one day he got really lucky
And fell into a foreign kingdom.

The problem with all these useful and very practical tender insults is that they can’t be mastered through a dictionary. As my teacher used to say, “хороший перевод начинается там, где заканчивается словарь” (“a good translation begins where the dictionary ends”). One faux pas, and you are in trouble. Mix-up the offensive дура with the conciliatory дурында and you will only add insult to injury. And, of course, proper intonation is key.

Frankly, the only way to pick these things up is to read this piece “with a pencil” (прочесть с карандашом) — i.e. very carefully, making notes in the margins. Otherwise you will sound at best like a hapless бестолочь.

Got it, дуралеи?