Dear Demosthenes ...

There are plenty of phrases in common usage that Russians associate with Leonid Brezhnev. According to one such formulation, Brezhnev may go down in history as a мелкий политический деятель эпохи Аллы Пугачёвой (“a minor politician in the era of Alla Pugachyova” – a top Russian pop star of the 1970s and 80s). Ordinary Russians used to call him either Lyonya (the familiar form of Leonid) or Ilyich (his patronymic, shared with Lenin, hence the humorous slogan of the time от Ильича до Ильича (from Ilyich to Ilyich). Official propaganda, meanwhile, called him a верный ленинец (a loyal Leninist).

In his later years, Lyonya could hardly put two words together. So, when speaking in public, he simply read a prepared text. This was called по бумажке – to do everything from paper. This is why ill-wishers claimed that he started his opening speech at the 1980 Olympics with five exclamations (“O! O! O! O! O!”) – he had simply read the Olympic logo.

Though his writing skills were questionable at best, at the end of his career Leonid Ilyich discovered a penchant for literature. So much so that the Union of Soviet Writers awarded him the Lenin Prize for his memoir trilogy Little Land, Renaissance and Virgin Lands – mandatory reading at all high schools. The last of these started with the great platitude будет хлеб – будет и песня (if there’s bread there’ll be songs), still famous because aging Soviet actor and sex symbol Vyacheslav Tikhonov read excerpts from these “masterpieces” on prime time TV.

Vulnerable to flattery and awards, Brezhnev liked getting medals and freely distributed them to his retinue. Since gerontocracy prevailed in the Kremlin back then, the cliché phrase for the occasion was: За боль­шие за­слу­ги в об­ла­с­ти на­уки/куль­ту­ры/во­ен­но­го стро­и­тель­ст­ва ... и в свя­зи с 80-ле­ти­ем (For great merits in the sphere of science/culture/military construction ... and on the occasion of ...’s 80th birthday). In response, the lucky old fellow would always “thank the beloved Communist Party... and personally Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev for this high appraisal of my modest contribution...” (“по­бла­го­да­рить род­ную Ком­му­ни­с­ти­че­с­кую пар­тию и лич­но Ле­о­ни­да Иль­и­ча Бреж­не­ва за вы­со­кую оцен­ку мо­е­го скром­но­го вкла­да...”) This famous “...и лично” is still used when Russians congratulate each other. Knowing Brezhnev’s weakness for flattery, everybody who spoke with him in public called him “dear Leonid Ilyich (thus prompting the joke about Brezhnev picking up the receiver and saying: “Hello, this is dear Leonid Ilyich” – “Алло, дорогой Леонид Ильич слушает...”)

When Leonid mumbled from the rostrum, the most innocuous Soviet clichés and set phrases became proverbial colloquialisms because of his endless slips of the tongue. At times it seemed like he had a mouthful of stones – like the ancient Greek Demosthenes who honed his speaking skills thus on the seashore. The only difference was that Brezhnev’s diction remained lousy until his death, and Demosthenes became a famous orator.

Ilyich was particularly bad at such combinations of letters as “st” or “str.” When, in his final report to the Congress of Communist Parties, Brezhnev came to the chapter, ‘Relations with Socialist Countries,’ TV viewers became glued to the screen in expectation – just to hear him call these countries “s----y sausages.” Not because the idea of socialist internationalism was alien to the “loyal Leninist,” but because his slurred pronunciation turned the words социалистические страны into сосиски сраные. That was especially funny because the presence (or absence) of cheap sausage in stores is still for many Russians one of the main criteria of well-being.

In point of fact, it was under Brezhnev that the quality of Russian sausage began to deteriorate – well-informed experts at a meat-processing factory claim research students wrote dissertations on “sausage hydrolysis” – a process whereby water was added to the meat to make up for shortages. Which of course made the sausages taste just the way Brezhnev described.

Speaking of well-being and economics – Brezhnev had another memorable phrase: экономика должна быть экономной (economics should be economical). A word play rather than a meaningful formula, this idiom gave rise to another phrase about Brezhnev’s U.S. counterpart, рей­га­но­ми­ка долж­на быть рей­га­ном­ной (reaganomics should be reagonomical).

To euphemize the condemnation of party brethren, Ilyich would usually say the party was giving someone a принципиальную оценку (an assessment on principle). Such an assessment seems to have been made of the USSR’s neighboring Afghan regime. When the USSR invaded in December 1979, Lyonya’s ideologues invented a brezhnevism still fresh in the memory – “the introduction of a limited contingent of Soviet troops at the request of the Afghan government.” That prompted the most daring Soviet historians to say that the Mongol-Tatar yoke was “the introduction of a limited contingent of Mongol-Tatar troops at the request of Russian princes.”

But the key word of Brezhnev’s time was халатность (negligence). Sometimes it was called преступная халатность (criminal negligence), which became a legal term.

In this era, only “big” things (those with international exposure) met international standards – e.g. ballet, space technology or construction of hydroelectric power stations. Hence the famous verses of the time:

Зато мы делаем ракеты и покоряем Енисей,
а также в области балета мы впереди планеты всей”

But, on the other hand, we build rockets and conquer the Yenisei,
and lead the whole planet in ballet.

Yet anything catering to simple everyday needs – such as hairdressing or restaurant service – was well behind, earning the tag of халатность. Even funerals were done sloppily. In fact during Brezhnev’s funeral, the gravediggers dropped the coffin as they were lowering it into the ground. As the ceremony was broadcast live, the noise they made had worldwide repercussions. Thus did history “assess on principle” the Brezhnev era...