Buying Real Vodka (Safely)

Russians boast that their high-quality vodka (made from rye or wheat and not, as many believe, from potatoes) is the best in the world. (Actually, they say that anything produced outside of Russia is not the real thing.) And they could well be right. Real Russian vodka has no color, no characteristic odor and no taste. And real Russian vodka won’t give you a hangover the next morning unless it is consumed in insane proportions.

But the problem is finding this strange drink – “real Russian vodka.” According to recent statistics cited in Vitrina magazine, over half of Russia’s vodka industry is in the sphere of the shadow economy. Bootleggers turn out ton after ton of dubious liquid bottled as popular brands like Stolichnaya or Moskovskaya. This brew is often made from synthetic spirits, which are both dangerous and undetectable in terms of smell and taste. In some cases, it is even made from things like watered-down aftershave or jet fuel.

Along with the vodka itself, bootleggers have perfected the art of faking the accessories – bottles, excise stamps, labels. In a desperate attempt to compete, many legal vodka distillers have developed elaborate corporate bottles and labels in the hopes that such measures will make their product difficult or unprofitable to fake. However, no bottle, however sophisticated, can prevent bootleggers from simply collecting empties and refilling them.

Every year, 43,000 Russians die from surrogate alcohol poisoning. Yet, according to a recent article in The Moscow Times, alcohol consumption is nonetheless on the rise, having increased by a staggering 600% since Gorbachev’s ill-fated anti-alcohol campaign collapsed in 1988. The thing is, drinking is so ingrained in Russian culture that it is all but impossible, and for men even downright offensive, to refuse a shot of vodka between friends or colleagues. With all this in mind, here are a few tips to keep from becoming a statistic.

Look for the Stamps

Every bottle of vodka sold in Russia must bear a white excise stamp, stuck over the cap. If this stamp is missing or glued on sloppily, chances are the product is fake. In addition, starting this year, the Moscow city and region established a quality-control system for all alcohol sold within their boundaries. According to the system, all such alcohol must undergo quality testing, and upon passing successfully, bear a regional bar-code stamp.

But, sure enough, within a few weeks of the system’s introduction, fake bar-code stamps were found in the Moscow region. While Vladimir Malyshkov, head of Moscow’s Department of the Consumer Market and Services, revealed that the fake stamps incorporated only five of the nine “levels of protection” included on the original, he also admitted that it would be next to impossible for the uninitiated consumer to tell the difference.

So what’s a poor consumer to do? Well, as Malyshkov went on to explain, you have to give the bar code a hard rub with a wet finger. If the ink smears, the stamp is fake. Another test is to remove the stamp. An authentic one cannot be removed without shredding and leaving a residue on the bottle, while a fake comes off more easily. Of course, bootleggers are remarkably quick to catch on, so look for even more sophisticated fake stamps in the future .

Many other Russian regions have either already established their own alcohol control systems (Moscow’s system was modeled after a similar one in Tatarstan) or are studying Moscow’s example. If it is a success – and if the system is not ruled illegal for restricting competition – similar controls are likely to go into effect all over the country.

Don’t Go to Market!

Although prices are lower at Moscow’s wholesale markets, it is best to avoid buying vodka there (much less at kiosks or on the street, where sales are strictly illegal and bootleg is abundant). As Malyshkov explained, almost 90% of all violations in alcohol sales occur at wholesale markets. “In the stores,” he said, “order is much stricter and control is better.” Especially safe are corporate outlet stores, for example, the veteran Cristall distillery’s network throughout Moscow (one convenient location is at 41 Zamorenova St., Metro Ulitsa 1905 Goda, right behind the McDonald’s).

Cheaper Isn’t Always Worse

Tests recently conducted on six highly regarded Russian vodka brands by experts from the popular daily Izvestiya showed some surprising results. The most expensive vodka tested – Tchaikovsky  (R121.42 per liter) from the Kursk distillery – had an excessive content of fusel oils, while even the famous “Original Cristall” (R100 per liter) had a slight excess of aldehydes. Cristall’s Privyet (R48 per liter), on the other hand, met high standards. And the purest vodka of all (according to physical parameters) was the modestly priced (R50 per liter) Zolotoye koltso from the Kolos distillery. All this goes to show that you don’t have to stretch your pocket to buy great vodka. And expensive vodka is not necessarily the best. On the other hand, much to the chagrin of Russian consumers, the minimum price of vodka keeps rising. Nowadays, if you find a half-liter bottle for less than R20, you can be next to certain that the contents are fake.

Of course, in spite of all precautions, there is no absolute guarantee against buying low-quality or fake vodka. If you notice a strange smell or taste, pour the liquid down the drain, ignoring all howls of protests, comments about your mother and accusations that you are committing sacrilege.

– Anna Hoare