Sep/Oct 2018 Current Moscow Time: 06:33:28
20 September 2018


  The world’s biggest country, in a magazine. Since 1956.


Thursday, August 09, 2018

Crime Doesn't Pay

by Irina Bukharin
A Pension-t for Trouble

1. A pension fund office in Kaluga was bombed early Friday morning. The bombing followed the government’s unpopular decision to raise the pension age for both men and women, an act that has sparked protests across the country. Preliminary reports suggest that the blast was caused by standard ammunition, not a homemade explosive device. In true Russian spirit, the Kaluga pension fund office was still open for business on Friday.

2. A cat in the clink! One intrepid feline was found attempting to carry drugs (hashish and amphetamines) into a prison in the Tula region. To be fair to our maligned cat, police believe that two recent inmates of the prison used the cat to smuggle the drugs into the prison, and that it was not actually the cat’s idea. The theory is that the inmates put the drugs into a collar on the cat, which had also formerly lived at the prison. The cat was then supposed to return home, delivering the drugs to the prisoners. We hope that the cat will get a “get out of jail free” card, but it seems the culprits may not: they face up to 10 years in prison for their less than purrrfect crime.

3. One man in St. Petersburg has gone off the rails. Or rather, the rails have gone off thanks to him. Police detained a man who reportedly stole 275 metric tons of train track rails over the past month. A local news website estimated that this much track is worth 5 million rubles ($79,000). So which will come first, this man’s life turning into a train wreck or an actual train wreck? Only time will tell.

In Odder News:

 

 
Quote of the Day:

“The woebegone mechanic dismantled more than 275 metric tons of metal products with a wrench and a crowbar”

— St. Petersburg transport police

Want more where this comes from? Give your inbox the gift of TWERF, our Thursday newsletter on the quirkiest, obscurest, and Russianest of Russian happenings of the week.

Lost Game, but Newfound Pride
Lost Game, but Newfound Pride

What’s out of this world? Russia’s performance in the World Cup, a Russian cargo ship, and showers in Samara!

The Plagues of Russia: the Risen Dead, Bees, and Floods
The Plagues of Russia: the Risen Dead, Bees, and Floods

Shed a tear for our last World Cup TWERF, in which we finally learn about the Romanovs and feel the wrath of nature.

Russians in the Dark, One Way or Another
Russians in the Dark, One Way or Another

It was a busy week in Russia: another round of pension protests, a pilgrimage for the Romanovs, and oh, the devil is working his magic.

A Round of Russian Rescues
A Round of Russian Rescues

Everybody receives a lift, from a stranded hiker, to the planet, to two boys who are actually doing just fine.

Crime Doesn't Pay
Crime Doesn't Pay

This is the crime-filled Russia you’ve always heard about, including a cat smuggling drugs and railroad theft.

The Dog Days of Summer and the Crazy Things They Bring
The Dog Days of Summer and the Crazy Things They Bring

This week gives us a plethora of emotions: shame in Samara, excitement in Tomsk, and a bit of both in Moscow.

Skyfalls, Sinking Feelings, and Smitings
Skyfalls, Sinking Feelings, and Smitings

Falling from a Russian sky near you: airplanes, bags of money, and well-timed lightning bolts!

The Ancient Past, the Near Future, and a Sheepish Present
The Ancient Past, the Near Future, and a Sheepish Present

Time got a little bit wibbly-wobbly and timey-wimey as Russia traveled to the future, to the past, and back to the present (and all in one week)!